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   09-03-2012 - Lmao - Just outright lies
Me
The three words that describe me are lazy, directionless and stinky. I like to stay indoors. I have 26 cats. Each has their name start with each letter of the alphabet. I like spam on bread and support gay marriage, but only between illegal aliens. I like to sell amway to telemarketers and have bad teeth. I have been abducted by aliens 19 times, and enjoyed every minute of it. Everything you have ever looked for in a man... I am not. If you ever want my number, you can find it on the bathroom wall at walmart in Taylorsville. Stall #3.

In all reality, nothing above is true. I just thought it would be nice for you to have something to read and be able to laugh about it. Well... Uhmm... Except for the part about aliens.

Her (Same woman from below playing along. Very golden once again)

Dear Stinky, (I'm assuming that's your name)
First of all, the sense of smell is by far my strongest sense. The fact that your name is stinky leads me to believe that you would likely be very sensual. You have no idea how much of a turn on that is. If my father heard these dirty words coming out of my mouth, I would be in trouble! See, his name is Papa Smurf and he is very protective of me. I'm so glad that you support illegal aliens. Technically I'm a cartoon character so that sort of makes me an illegal alien too. Do you like the color blue? I hope so. Technically my skin is blue but I like to call it periwinkle. I find it fascinating that you know how to count from a to z. That is my dream. Someday I will achieve it. I frequently go to Walmart. For some reason security usually escorts me out. I don't understand why. They're very discriminating against little periwinkle blue cartoon characters. It pains me to know that I am so close to your number but that I can never quite make it that far past security. Perhaps you should call me. My number is written on the top of a giant mushroom in sandy. I just know we would become instant friends. And if you smell as stinky as your name suggests, we may even become more than friends...quickly. Looking forward to your call.

Waiting for your call,
Smurfette


Me (I decided to change it up a little bit)

Are you Smurfette? Rumor has it you have been peddling your shrooms in my neck of the woods. My name is Jacquez. I'm the drug lord of columbia. I think we can settle this peacefully. After reading your profile, I have grown fondles of you. A woman with your skillset belongs to me. The way you brew your drugs makes my fake mustache curl. We could rule the world together... 80% me, 20% you... Very fair if you ask me. With you being short, we could see eye-to-eye, and not like all the other tall women that get creeped out when I stares eye levels at their boobs. Hold on a sec... i'd like a super soft taco, a crisp meat burrito and a chaco-taco with diet coke. Ignacio? Is that you working the drive thru? Laters Nacho. Ok, i'm back. So how about you choo-choo-choose me, and I let all 100 of your family live?

Yours Truly,
Jacquez


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